Have you ever been to a Baskin and Robbins Ice Cream store? If my memory serves me correctly, they were about the first if not the first national ice cream chain that offered many choices of ice cream: 31 different flavors at a time to be exact. Now many other chains have multiple choices with multiple topping offerings and choice of cone. The world is no longer just our oyster, it can also be our ice cream cone (or dish).
We do like choices, do we not? We are fortunate in this country as middle-class folk. We can stand before a large display of meat wondering which type of meat, what cut, what size, etc. to buy for an upcoming meal. With freezers and refrigerators, we can buy many selections for several meals to come. We are not forced to eat whatever may happen to be available. Even during the midst of the pandemic’s worst shortages, selections abounded.
Often I write, preach, or teach, about fear. No wonder. Have you seen the political ads?
They are all about fear. It seems not that there are no legitimate fears. It seems instead, to which fears do we subscribe? Do we swallow them all? Or do we turn indifferently to them and plod on as though there is nothing to worry about?
Abraham Maslow, he of “Hierarchy of Needs”, writes: One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” Both choices can come at great cost. Retreat into supposed safety can allow those feared forces to gain strength. They can become even more frightening and eventually wreak more havoc. Moving forward for that which is important and has value is quite often a painful journey. Even the best of progress does not come without cost.
How does one raise children in an atmosphere of fear? Carefully, and with appropriate honesty. Parents do not do well to teach children life is easy or to just follow the rules and all will be well. Neither do parents do well to project fear onto their offspring and teach them the world is a scary place to be avoided. Such are good things to keep in mind for those of us not raising children, those of us who while being adults, yet have a certain immaturity in our faith and in our approach to life and life’s challenges.
There are times when retreat may be best. There are times when we may need to charge forward not even certain where we are headed. The lesson here is that we cannot choose one posture and live it at all times in all circumstances. Life is not all negative. Nor is it all positive. Life is life. It is a mixed bag. You and I need to deal with and live in its complexity. We have no choice. The choice we have is that of courage and faith or withdrawal and surrender.
Author and speaker Robert Fulghum once wrote a best-selling book titled, “Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” I am tempted to write a counter tale and title it, “Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in a Hospice.” Personally as a pastor, I have gained much watching and listening to those in a hospice and to their families.
The wisdom we humans often have nearing the end as we look back is incredible. Mistakes, often major errors in behavior and life’s choices, are more readily admitted and talked about. Gratitude for what may often be considered the small things in life become more obvious and real. What I have learned most often is how those facing death fear it less than those of us seemingly distanced from it. There is more concern about loved ones and what their current march toward death will cost them. There can even be time spent wondering if their life had been well spent.
Faith is certainly there in hospice. Often it is not there in a wishful manner that some vision of heaven carried along in life will be met. Neither is it a fearful “what will happen to me” emotional state. It is frequently something simple. It is a trust that whatever comes God will be there. Simple perhaps, yet deep to have such acceptance and trust after often a long life of faith that has taught one basic principle of faith: trust God.
Interesting that such concern about loved ones seems to remove much of the care about oneself. Interesting that even many who once spent a great deal of time living in fear find themselves headed in a more peaceful direction of acceptance. Maybe everything I needed to know was not learned in kindergarten. Perhaps it wasn’t learned in a hospice either. Maybe everything we need to know is learned in life and living. We may certainly have choices in life; countless numbers of them. Yet life itself seems to be our best teacher even breaking into and through our choices. God comes in life as one to be trusted, breaking in to teach us that lesson of faith anew throughout life.